On the day of the funeral I was devastated. I wasn't ready for the casket to be closed. So when I said my final goodbye to him all I could do was hug him (sort of) and tell him repeatedly that I was sorry. More like begging for forgiveness.
(For the past two years our relationship had changed. One night he had a huge argument with my mother and I never really forgave him for it. To make matters worst for the first six months to a year after that I acted as if he didn't exist. A complete b*tch and now I have to live with my actions. I guess you can say I made up for it because once I knew how sick he was my feelings/actions reverted back to how it use to be, but I never really forgave myself for acting the way I did.)
So when we got to the cemetery I was holding a white rose and I had seen a butterfly flying around. The butterfly was orange and black. Then out of no where the butterfly landed right on my flower and it stayed there for a good five to ten seconds. I was so nervous when the butterfly landed on my flower that I held my breath. When the butterfly flew away my boyfriend told me it was a good sign and I didn't think anything of it.
The next day I told my mom about the butterfly and once I mentioned it she said "that was him" and that my stepfather always believed that butterflies were angels. I was beyond touched when she said that and I was happy that it happened.
Later on that week I had met with a friend and told her my butterfly story. She agreed with my mom and said that she's heard a couple of stories with butterflies at funerals or when a person who is close to you passes.
Later on that night I decided to Google it. What I found was amazing. One story was of a mother who's daughter passed away because she got hit by a drunk driver. At her daughter's funeral there was a white butterfly on her casket during the whole ceremony. The mother didn't realize it till a nun had pointed it out and said she was with us all along. That's when I figured out why the butterfly landed on my flower. I had begged for forgiveness and even though he couldn't tell me he showed me that things were okay between us through the butterfly.
That's the big story behind the tattoo. Now for the design my stepfather had a dagger/sword (depending how you look at it) on his right arm. I took that and added a white rose wrapped around it with the butterfly on top. I wanted my tattoo to be something special and something that shows that I do love him and I wish I had been a better person.
I got my tattoo done at B52 Tattoo (located at 248 Manhattan Ave, Brooklyn NY 11211, Williamsburg). Snake Eyes took my vision and made it a million times more amazing than I thought it'd be. The tattoo alone took about two to two and a half hours and honestly it wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been. I even watched YouTube videos to see how other people reacted to getting a tattoo on their shin. Some people couldn't take the pain and some were fine with it. The only part that hurt was the shading and anyone who has gotten a tattoo knows that shading is the worst part. When people ask how it feels I tell them it's like having a cut on your skin then putting a lighter over it. It stings and it burns, but if you want something that bad you'll suck up the pain.
Below are pictures of the original tattoo versus my tattoo and a video of how shading works.
Also if you're in need of a dope tattoo check out Snake Eyes at B 52 Tattoo. He's been in the industry forever and he's a great artist. I've seen his work on my boyfriend and some of his other friends. You know a person is good when he gets booked up really quick. When getting a tattoo do your research and get recommendations. Your tattoo is for life, you need to have someone that you can trust to ink you up.
